My Endorsement for the Next President of the United States

I know you've all been eagerly waiting for me to break the silence and finally step forward and endorse a candidate in the Democratic primary race. Many of you have emailed me, begging for my wisdom, and I have refused, saying that I needed more time to analyze the situation. With the field narrowed to two candidates, I feel that I can finally announce my candidate. Please forward my endorsement on to as many news organizations as possible. I'm sure this is going to be page 2-A news tomorrow.

I have chosen to endorse Barak Obama for the next president. The reason is simple. I want to live in the future. When I imagine his presidency, it feels like the future. It was not an easy decision to make, in the abstract; a woman or a black man? Both feel like the future, albeit a future we should have had a long fucking time ago. So which would be more in line with my futurist philosophy? Indeed, on only that criteria, I could not make a choice. So, I examined their stances. I measured their statements carefully. Still, I could not make a decision.

So I flipped a penny. Heads for Obama, Lincoln's head, representing their connection as Illinois senators. Heads it was.

Obama for president!

Xenu save us all from a Romney-led government.